apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
