Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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