After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
