In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
