come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
