Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I queefed so loud it echoed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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