WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
