Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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