If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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