I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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