Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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