Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Two words: blizzard sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
