Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
