soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
