WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
