Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
