Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
