My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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