sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
