He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
