Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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