no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
