Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
