If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
