he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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