as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
