Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
