WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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