you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
