Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He has the fingertips of a God
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
