apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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