FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
