If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
