I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
