you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
