we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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