somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
