just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
