My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
