i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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