Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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