i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he shaved USA in his pubs
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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