She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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