last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
