he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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