all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
