dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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