Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
