Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
