I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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