I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
