Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize