After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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