I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
