is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
