FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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