I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
