I heard we made out
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
