Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
