We won't sleep together?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
