I can't breathe out the right side of my face
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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