Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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