i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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